Declaration of Gerry Armstrong Re: Miracle Sighting

I, Gerry Armstrong, declare:

1. I am over the age of eighteen and could competently testify about the facts herein if called

upon to do so.

2. Sometime during or about the weekend of July 16-18, 2004 my sweetheart Caroline Letkeman

roasted some brown rice in one of our frying pans on our electric range in our apartment at #1-45950

Alexander Avenue, in Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada. I have also roasted rice in this manner so am

familiar with the procedure that we both use.

3. Our standard procedure is as follows: We rinse the rice, drain the water, and spread the wet rice

in a frying pan on low heat for about thirty minutes. The rice dries and then roasts to a golden color and

heavenly aroma. After roasting, we grind the roasted rice, stir the rice meal into four times its volume of

cold water, add some salt, crank up the heat and get it all boiling, then turn down the heat and simmer

until we’ve got a pot of brown rice porridge. It takes about twenty minutes on our stove to make the cold

water boil and the porridge simmer til done. Usually we make more than one day’s portion of porridge, so

we put the uneaten part in the fridge. The next day, and continuing thereafter until the porridge is gone, we

take about the same size portion, mix it with some ground flax, dollop the mixed mass into an olive oiled

frying pan, and smooth it into a pan-filling pancake. Depending on its mass, the pancake usually cooks

about twenty minutes on side one at medium-high temperature, and about five minutes on side two. When

side one is well browned, it will often come free from the pan, making it possible to flip the pancake in

order to cook side two. Sometimes it is necessary to employ a spatula to spatulate side one from the pan,

a condition I believe is in part attributable to the degeneration of the subject pan’s coating through years of

use. It has happened on a number of occasions over the past several months that even spatulation did not

achieve a flippable pancake, and we were left for breakfast again with porridge, albeit considerably denser,

flecked with flax and marbled with chunks and crumbs of crust. It is a very rare, but not unpostulated,

occurrence when one of our pan-sized rice pancakes flips into the pan without any batter landing on the

rim of the pan, the kitchen countertop, or the floor.

4. Ms. Letkeman has told me that during her roasting of the rice on the occasion referred to above

she did not observe the subject pan at all times, and that it was during one of the times when she was not

observing the pan that the first miracle occurred that is described hereinafter. I have no reason to doubt

Ms. Letkeman’s memory of this event, because there was no one in the apartment with us throughout

any of the occurrences described herein, and both of us were doing different things at different times.

5. During one of the times when she was observing the subject pan, Ms. Letkeman said that she

was seeing a shape, a face in the rice in the pan. I then also observed the pan and observed a face, and

further observed that the face that had appeared in the roasting rice was the face of Xenu, the terrible and

unmistakable tyrant of seventy-five million years ago. I immediately got our camera and took a photograph

of the pan face, which photograph I am appending hereto as Exhibit A. Since I took the photograph, I

have at all times retained it in my custody and control, and it has not been altered in any way.

6. I am very familiar with Xenu’s appearance, having written the sole definitive study of his

appearance, and assembled the largest archive of authentic records of his appearance on earth, or, as this

planet was known to Xenu, “Teegeeac,” or “Teegeeack,” depending on the spelling. I have written many

articles, declarations and affidavits about Xenu, and I have testified as a Xenu expert in several court

proceedings. In my opinion, the face in the subject rice in the subject pan was that of the same Xenu, also

known as Lord Xenu, who is known to have ruled the sector of the universe that included earth seventy-

five million years ago.

7. Not long after Ms. Letkeman and I observed Xenu’s face in the pan, and I had taken a

photograph of his face, I observed that his face had disappeared from the pan, just as it had appeared.

His face has not to my knowledge reappeared, at least in the same pan, since the above-described

appearance.

8. Exactly two days later, while Ms. Letkeman and I were frying a pancake that had been made

from the very same porridge that had been cooked from the very same meal that had been ground from

the very same rice in which Xenu’s face had appeared, and in the very same pan, Ms. Letkeman observed

that the pancake batter did not stay flat in the pan, as is usual and anticipated, but had risen in the middle

of the pan into a conical shape. She related to me her observation, and I also examined the shape of the

pancake batter, and again got our camera and took photographs to document this manifestation, which

I have concluded is a second miracle of Xenu that validates the first. True, correct and unaltered copies

of these photographs are appended hereto as Exhibits B through E.

9. My examination showed that the pancake was formed into a virtually pan-sized volcano, with a

complete, functioning vent and crater. This occurrence has specific, miraculous significance to me, and,

in my opinion, to other Xenu scholars as well, because volcanoes had been so specifically significant to

Xenu, his troops and their victims on Earth seventy-five million years ago, and for all seventy-five million

years since. Indeed, the most authentic picture known of Xenu, which Time Magazine used for the cover

of its “Person of the Billennium” issue, shows him standing in front of a violently erupting volcano. It is

noteworthy that the volcano pictured in the photograph on the cover of the subject Time issue is remarkably

similar in shape to the volcano that erupted from the rice pancake batter in the subject frying pan on the

occasion described herein.

10. As is well known, the autoschizological Xenu Cult, which is headquartered in southern

California, publishes a description of these events involving these same galactic entities and their eternal

link to Earth’s volcanoes in the Cult’s universally available “secret scriptures.”

11. In their “scriptures,” the Xenu Cult pays homage to this antediluvian galactic despot as the

creator of the human race, which the cultists, for reasons relating to carnivority, call “raw meat,” and,

even more commonly, “wogs®.” The Xenuists also refer to Xenu by his administrative title, the

“Supreme Rulah,” in their “scriptures,” and they list the volcanoes they say he used to H-Bomb the billions

of galactic beings seventy-five million years ago to beget the wog® race. The Xenu Cultists, who practice

a form of implanting just as Rulah Xenu and his renegades did during their years of galactic crime, even

display a volcano on one of their introductory implanting manuals.

12. In Exhibit B hereto, which is a true and correct overhead photograph that I took of the subject

pan and the rice pancake volcano, the vent appears as the dark spot in the approximate center of the volcano.

13. Exhibit C hereto is a true and correct side view photograph I took showing that the volcano has

grown in height surpassing the rim of the subject pan.

14. Exhibit D hereto is a true and correct photograph I took showing pancake magma blisters

forming in the volcano’s crater.

15. Exhibit E hereto is a true and correct photograph I took showing that the volcano has risen to

an even greater height above the rim of the subject pan.

16. A very few minutes after I had taken the photographs described above and identified as

Exhibits B through E hereto, Ms. Letkeman commented that the volcano had completely lost its conical

height and shape, and had collapsed back down in the subject pan as a standard flat rice pancake. A true

and correct overhead photograph of the subject pan and the collapsed volcano showing no vent or crater

is appended hereto as Exhibit F.

17. A true and correct side view photograph I took of the subject pan and its contents showing that

the volcano had become again as flat as a pancake is appended hereto as Exhibit G.

18. The subject pancake then proceeded to cook for approximately fifteen minutes, during which

period I observed it several more times, at none of which did I observe the pancake do anything out of the

ordinary. After determining that the pancake had cooked to relative perfection on side one, I caused it to

become free of the subject pan, and I flipped it in order to cook side two. The pancake landed squarely in

the middle of the round pan, and no batter whatsoever landed on the floor, counter or even the subject

pan’s rim.

19. I immediately again got Ms. Letkeman’s and my camera and took an overhead photograph

of the subject pancake in the subject pan. This photograph, which is appended hereto as Exhibit H,

shows that side one is completely cooked, completely intact, and completely covering the bottom of the

pan. I have concluded that this occurrence is a third miracle of Xenu, relating to and validating the first

and second miracles identified and described hereinabove.

20. The subject pancake proceeded to cook on side two for approximately five minutes, at which

time my pancake determinism was that it was done on both sides.

21. My conclusion is that all of the above, along with all of the photographic evidence identified

herein and produced herewith as true and correct exhibits, is conclusive proof of a serial miracle involving

the being Xenu, Lord Xenu or Supreme Rulah Xenu identified hereinabove.

I declare under the pains and penalties of perjury under the laws of British Columbia, Canada, North

America, South America, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australasia, Antarctica, et al. that the foregoing is true

and correct.

Sworn to this twenty-second day of July 2004 in Chilliwack, B.C., Canada.

[signed] Gerry Armstrong