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"Pick Up the Cans, Soldier!"

As is now well known, President Bush took a secret Air Force One flight to Iraq on Thanksgiving Day to present a plastic artifact to the U.S. troops stationed in Baghdad. What wasn’t so well known is that RTC’s own Little Fakir® accompanied Mr. Bush to ensure the President took no off- policy, out-tech or out-ethics actions with their artifact.

Even when the President of the United States applies the tech, of course, RTC must be right there to ensure he applies it correctly. If the President misapplies Scientology – for example, if he has his cars washed incorrectly, doesn’t keep in his three-basket system, or uses the wrong temperature water for his cut flowers -- well he can expect an RTC mission in the Oval Office as fast as you can say “Presidential O/W Write-Up.” As RTC says, with grateful acknowledgement to L. Ron Hubbard Library, the President is here on the same terms as the rest of us, and we would rather have him dead than incapable too.

Mr. Bush delivered a rousing Tone 40 RTC-approved Little Fakir® qualled speech to the troops.

“You are fighting for American freedoms. Under Saddam, the Iraqis had no real freedom to jail people just for expressing their religious beliefs. That freedom is unique to America. And it is you, the American military, who are enforcing this freedom on Iraq and on the world.

You’re fighting for our most important freedoms – the freedom to silence people, the freedom to imprison people for expressing religious beliefs we don’t like, the freedom to enslave people, the freedom to fair game people. Without those freedoms, America would be …. well, four freedoms short of liberty. Remember, it is the freedom to enslave that made America strong. Let’s keep it so.

We are resolved to bring the evil doers to justice, and the way to root out these evil doers, and even evil thinkers, is this Hubbard Mark VII Religious Artifact®. Only L. Ron Hubbard, that great American humanitarian, could have invented a truly American brand of religious liberty capable of enslaving the whole world, and given us the perfect religious artifact for the job.

Just a few minutes with this religious artifact, and you get a pass, or you’re off to the stockade or off lines completely for quiet sorrowless disposal. The only ways you can fail the Religious Artifact Test (RAT®) are to refuse to take the test, fail to answer questions truthfully, or if you think Scientology doesn’t work. Here soldier, find out what American religious liberty is all about. Pick up the cans!”

See if you can find the Little Fakir® keeping an eye on the President’s tech in Iraq. If you find the Little Fakir®, e-mail us, gerry@gerryarmstrong.org, and tell us where you found him. Every e-mail that correctly identifies where the Little Fakir® was found will be posted to the Usenet newsgroup alt.religion.scientology and submitted to the Find the Little Fakir® Contest I/C for a chance to win the Big Prize®.

 

 
 

More Fun with The Little Fakir

 

 

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