"Pick Up the Cans, Soldier!"
As is now well known, President Bush took a secret Air Force
One
flight to Iraq on Thanksgiving Day to present a plastic artifact to the U.S.
troops
stationed in Baghdad. What wasn’t so well known is that RTC’s own
Little Fakir® accompanied Mr. Bush to ensure the President took no off-
policy,
out-tech or out-ethics actions with their artifact.
Even when the President of the United States applies the tech,
of course, RTC must be right there to ensure he applies it correctly. If the
President
misapplies Scientology – for example, if he has his cars washed
incorrectly,
doesn’t keep in his three-basket system, or uses the wrong temperature
water
for his cut flowers -- well he can expect an RTC mission in the Oval Office as
fast as you can say “Presidential O/W Write-Up.” As RTC says, with
grateful acknowledgement to L. Ron Hubbard Library, the President is here on
the
same terms as the rest of us, and we would rather have him dead than incapable
too.
Mr. Bush delivered a rousing Tone 40 RTC-approved Little
Fakir®
qualled speech to the troops.
“You are fighting for American freedoms. Under Saddam,
the Iraqis had no real freedom to jail people just for expressing their
religious
beliefs. That freedom is unique to America. And it is you, the American
military,
who are enforcing this freedom on Iraq and on the world.
You’re fighting for our most important freedoms –
the freedom to silence people, the freedom to imprison people for expressing
religious
beliefs we don’t like, the freedom to enslave people, the freedom to
fair
game people. Without those freedoms, America would be …. well, four
freedoms
short of liberty. Remember, it is the freedom to enslave that made America
strong.
Let’s keep it so.
We are resolved to bring the evil doers to justice, and the
way
to root out these evil doers, and even evil thinkers, is this Hubbard Mark VII
Religious Artifact®. Only L. Ron Hubbard, that great American
humanitarian,
could have invented a truly American brand of religious liberty capable of
enslaving
the whole world, and given us the perfect religious artifact for the job.
Just a few minutes with this religious artifact, and you get a
pass, or you’re off to the stockade or off lines completely for quiet
sorrowless
disposal. The only ways you can fail the Religious Artifact Test (RAT®)
are
to refuse to take the test, fail to answer questions truthfully, or if you
think
Scientology doesn’t work. Here soldier, find out what American religious
liberty is all about. Pick up the cans!”
See if you can find the Little Fakir® keeping an eye on
the
President’s tech in Iraq. If you find the Little Fakir®, e-mail us,
gerry@gerryarmstrong.org, and
tell
us where you found him. Every e-mail that correctly identifies where the
Little
Fakir® was found will be posted to the Usenet newsgroup
alt.religion.scientology
and submitted to the Find the Little Fakir® Contest I/C for a chance to
win
the Big Prize®.