§   What's New  ||  Search   ||  Legal Archive  ||  Wog Media  ||  Cult Media  ||  CoW ® ||  Writings  ||  Fun  ||  Disclaimer  ||  Contact  §

     
 

INSPECTOR GENERAL NETWORK
BULLETIN No. 1996
from
Religious Technology Center
Holder of the Dianetics and Scientology Trademarks

 

TO:

WATCH DOG COMMITTEE
ALL ORGS
ABLE
VULTURE MINISTER® PROGRAM OPS
ALL VULTURE MINISTERS®

 

1 September 2003
FROM: ECCLESIASTICAL HEAD
GRAND FAKIR
 

 

 

THE ONE SOLUTION
FOR
PLANETARY INSANITY

Huge Ecclesiastical Head Portrait Campaign For VMs

 

     As everybody knows, we recently conducted a global international survey to find out if something could be done about it. The overwhelming response that people wanted to hear was, "Yes!"

     From that overwhelming response, we created the slogan and marketing campaign for the Vulture Minister® Program. "SOMETHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT." Before this, because of the psychiatrists, in all the endless trillions of years of the past, no one had ever thought that something can be done about it.

     We rolled out a massive promotional campaign -- billboards, radio ads, print ads, Internet, you name it. We spent millions getting the message out -- "SOMETHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT."

     After two years of ceaseless promotion, we were ready to tackle the dirty job of rolling up our sleeves. Yes, something can be done about it. But what?

     Well, I asked myself, "What would Ron do?" And of course I divined, "Why, he'd wear his hat! "

     So I began to wear my own hat. And it was such a stunning hat, that I had a portrait photo made of me wearing it. And now you must wear your hat.

     As a Vulture Minister ® you must get everyone, every man, women and child, to buy and display this stunning portrait of me wearing my hat. That is the way we will pull off the final victory. We can pull it off if everyone gets on board.

     So, I once again ask a SINGLE question to all Scientologists. With a simple 'yes' we will have achieved the final element in accomplishing our aims -- a world without insanity, without crime and, without war.

     It IS that simple.

     So the question is this: Will you, please, buy my stunning portrait?

     We are putting stable points into society. My stunning portrait will be those stable points. I am going to need your help to carry the fort, and with my metaphors. Let's be sane enough to capture tomorrow. You buy my stunning portrait, I'll cash the checks, and together we'll make ourselves felt like a battering ram in the cause of sanity.

     My order is that not only must every Franchise, Class V Org, St. Hill, Advanced Org, FOLO, and Sea Org Building purchase and prominently display my stunning guilt-framed portrait in their reception areas, but so must every Vulture Minister® tent or office, and every VM from Tampa to Timbuktu.

     This is a special edition stunning portrait for  Vulture Ministers® with, instead of a dove descending, a vulture rising and lighting upon my hat.

     This stunning portrait of me, your Ecclesiastical Head and Grand Fakir, with brass plated letters, stands seven feet eight inches in height, and is proportioned to fit any average sized office reception or the RTC-approved standard Vulture Minister® yellow tent.

Price List: Stunning Portrait of Ecclesiastical Head

$  4,995

  Stunning Frame

4,490

  Stunning Brass Plated Letters

1,495

  Stunning RTC-Approved Screw Driver

195

  RTC-approved Mirror in stunning
Competence Blue polyurethane frame


           47
  Total
$11,222
   

 

 

 

Showcase Edition Portrait

Quantum Portrait

Super Quantum Portrait

Signed and Numbered Super Quantum Portrait*

$29,995

$59,995

$195,995

$395,995

     Each signed and numbered Super Quantum Portrait comes with a stunning Certificate of Authenticity from internationally known Questioned Document Examiner B.O. (Gus) DeBris, formerly in the C.I.A.'s Niger Documents Production Division.

     Because of the urgency of answering the call, no discounts will be given for any of these stunning products.

     Any non-compliance with this campaign, any cross-orders, or any CI to this urgent, vital campaign will result in immediate expulsion.

     This is my personal message, as Scientology's Ecclesiastical Head and Grand Fakir, to every Vulture Minister®: When you're at a disaster site where people are injured, exhausted or grieving, before you give them an assist, before you tell them to feel your finger, get them to buy my stunning portrait.

     Most victims in catastrophes, or even their searching or waiting family members, don't carry $11,222 on them, let alone $395, 995. So carry with you at all times a stack of RTC-approved Vulture Ministers® Stunning Portrait Purchase Contract Forms. Get those victims' signatures, or those troubled family members' signatures, on those Vulture Vouchers®, for as many of my stunning portraits as you can unreasonably postulate.

     Use this as your stable datum: If breath shows on a mirror held to his face, he can buy my stunning portrait. Your proper Vulture's® attitude is this: You're here, so you're a customer. We'd rather have you dead than incapable of buying this stunning portrait of our Grand Fakir.

  Captain David Miscavige
Ecclesiatical Head
Grand Fakir
Religious Technology Center

*Limited to 50, 000 copies.

 

DM:  The Grand Fakir

 
 

 

See also: Scientology's Vulture Minister ® Program Documents

 

 

§   What's New  ||  Search   ||  Legal Archive  ||  Wog Media  ||  Cult Media  ||  CoW ® ||  Writings  ||  Fun  ||  Disclaimer  ||  Contact  §